Returning
Returning
Can One Ever Go Back?
6″ X 9″ Paperback - 444 Pages
Do you remember Mister District Attorney? Pepper Young’s Family? Lights Out? Camay? Teel? “Lucky Strike Green Has Gone To War”? So did 47-year-old Jim Sidorwitz. He’d always harbored the desire to be sent back to 1939. In 1979, he realizes his wish/dream. However, our hero has a much harder time than he’d figured, coping with his new epoch.
For one thing, he marries Helen Shaddon, a widow – who has a son stationed in Pearl Harbor. We all remember what happened on December 7, 1941!
For another, he creates a “scene” when first encountering his mother – now 20 years his junior.
In addition, he’s absorbed more of the “seventies aggressiveness” than he’d imagined. It causes him problems in those “kinder, gentler” times.
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Excerpt
The biting chill of the November evening knifed through his light jacket, as he climbed the creaky, in-need-of-a-coat-of-paint, circular, metal staircase – to the porch of his second-floor apartment, in southwest Houston.
“Damn,” he muttered to himself. “My Yankee blood must really be thinning out. Well,” he laughed mirthlessly, “who wants fat blood?”
He trudged to the top of the stairs.
“God! It’s cold! I can just imagine how the natives must feel.”
He coughed.
“Or,” he muttered, “maybe I don’t.”
He stopped short of the door to his apartment. His eyes narrowed – focusing on the two large floor-to-ceiling windows. Looking into his living room, he was surprised to see that the old, chipped-plaster, black-and-red, lamp was lit. The lamp atop the warped, garish, TV table – the faded, tin table which sat next to his ragged couch.
He was certain that he’d not left the light on.
He peered inside.
His stare locked onto the figure of an elderly man! The interloper was decked out in a bright-blue suit. The silver/white-haired intruder was seated – most uncomfortably – on the seedy chair. The one which matched his equally-run-down couch.
Ah, 1979! It was certainly a year for surprises! There had been times when he’d wondered if he’d ever see 1980! So near, yet so far – as some cornball sage had once said. A stranger – one making himself at home in his apartment – certainly wasn’t helping. That qualified as a surprise. A helluva surprise.
He was positive that he’d made no noise as he’d come up the steps. Well, of course, there was the obvious creakiness of the stairs themselves.
He decided that his best plan of action would be to sneak back down to the parking lot – as stealthily as possible! Get down there – and call the police!
As he turned – to creep back down to the ground level – he was stopped by a soft, yet penetrating, voice! It came from inside his apartment. The voice – the most-compel-ling voice – bade him enter!
There was a strangely soothing quality in the tone – which, somehow, made our hero a little less apprehensive. He was at a loss to explain why.
He approached the door – and began to insert his key.
“It’s open,” advised the interloper.
Pushing his way into the apartment, he did his best to appear indignant. It didn’t work.
“I don’t know who the hell you think you are,” he blustered. “But, you’re in my apartment.”
“I’m perfectly aware of that,” replied the man, with an indulgent smile. “I didn’t take anything.”
“Hmmmmph. Not much here to take. My stereo, maybe. Such as it is. Maybe my records … if you’re in to schmaltzie music. That’s about it.”
“Aren’t you curious as to who I am? What I’m doing here?”
“It seems to me that I already told you that I haven’t the foggiest idea who you are. I … I should be upset! But, I’m not. And I can’t figure out why I’m not.”
He laughed – in spite of himself.
“The fact that I’m not upset,” he continued, “that’s what upsets me … if that makes any sense.”
The elderly one smiled once more.
“Yes, Jim, it does. It makes perfect sense. Tell me. Of whom do I remind you?”
“How … how do you know my name?”
“Oh, I know a lot about you. But, go ahead and answer my question, Jim. Of whom do I remind you?”
“I … I don’t believe this! I just flat-assed don’t believe it! You break into my place … and now we’re gonna play Twenty Questions? What’s even more stupid … dumber still … is the fact that I haven’t thrown your butt out of here!”
“Do you feel threatened by me?”
“Well … no.”
“That’s why you haven’t thrown me out. Now, for heaven’s sake, relax … and tell me of whom I remind you.”
“I … I can’t believe I’m doing this! This is un-be-damn-lievable!”
Jim sighed deeply – and seemed to simply deflate. He had no indignation left – not a trace. He tugged against his left earlobe. He’d not done that in months.
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “It must be the hair or something … maybe the suit … but, well, you kind of look like a character out of an old musical. An old movie. This guy was … well, he was kind of a go-between. Between heaven and Rita Hayworth.”
“Excellent! Wonderful! Very good, Jim. Do you remember the name of the movie?”
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Back Cover
To be sent back to 1939? A “more genteel” time? Or is it?
Our protagonist, 47-year-old Jim Sidorwitz – father of seven (all grown and gone) – is extremely nostalgic. In 1979, he is offered the opportunity to return to 1939. A man who is extremely close to his children, Jim is torn by the choice. Such a journey would, of course, entail his leaving his kids. To merely get back to the present, he would have to live – to survive – 40 more years. An unlikely situation. Even if accomplished, it would mean that he’d be 87-years-old! Literally overnight! Not easily explained.
He does agree, though, to return to that simpler era. He is given the name Parks Hayworth, by “Mister Horne” – the archangel who sends him back. The name is predicated upon a motion picture, from 1946. The flick pays a substantial part in the book. It starred Larry Parks and Rita Hayworth. (A little celestial humor, no doubt.)
The newly-minted Parks meets and marries Helen Shaddon – a widow. She has a son stationed in Pearl Harbor. And December 7, 1941 is coming – with a rush. He has to get that kid out of there!
He founds Dubin Rent-a-Car. (Dubin is a thinly-disguised Avis Rent-a-Car – although Clark Dubin is the complete opposite of Warren Avis.)
But, mainly, our hero encounters far more difficulties in adapting to those “kinder, gentler” times. Troubles – in amongst all the DeSotos and Studebakers and Hudsons and Nashes and Packards. While revisiting Fibber McGee & Molly, Bob Hope, Edgar Bergen & Charley McCarthy, Jack Benny, Fred Allen, Kay Kyser, Eddie Cantor, The Kraft Music Hall, Manhattan Merry-go-round, Your Hit Parade, Lights Out, Blondie, The Fitch Band Wagon, One Man’s Family, and A Date With Judy, he encounters all sorts of unexpected obstacles. For one thing, medical practice back then – while, seemingly, more caring – is almost Neanderthal, compared to the present day wonders.
In his many and varied travels, he finds himself in Brooklyn’s Ebbetts Field, in 1947, for Floyd Bevans’ near-miss, while trying to twirl a no-hitter. Sadly, he reflects upon the fact that those many-thousand, happy-go-lucky, fans are unaware that – in just ten short years – their beloved “Bums” would be taken from them. Moved to Los Angeles.
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